Replica

Lumina in camera era mereu calda, in orice anotimp. Fie ca mirosea a flori, sau a dupa-amiaza fierbite, sau a portocale, sau doar a dimineata rece, imi amintesc cum ma plimbam cu mana peste cotoarele cartilor din biblioteca. Tineam ochii inchisi, pipaiam materialul si incercam sa determin mirosul specific al fiecareia in parte. Apoi, cu un gest scurt, scoteam o carte din raft. Pare acum un sistem de alegere aleator, dar mie mi se parea ca intr-un fel cartea m-a ales pe mine. Parea ca am primit un cadou de la o forta supra-naturala care a inteles ca aceea e cartea pe care trebuie sa o citesc. Si de aici o serie de conotatii si de posibilele legaturi intre titlul cartii si starea mea de spirit, intre continutul povestii si viata mea de zi cu zi. Marile sperante, Numele trandafirului, Jocul cu Margele de Sticla, Cartea de Nisip… astazi as vedea ironia, atunci nu era decat misterul.

Cand am inceput sa mai scot nasul din carti am observat ca si oamenii sunt tot povesti, sunt protagonistii unor intamplari fascinante si pline de intelesuri ascune. Tot ceea ce gandesc, ce spun, ce fac, creaza un ecou in mine si invers. Am inceput sa cred ca oamenii sunt calea spre romanul perfect: o poveste interactiva, in care nu trebuie sa las cartea jos niciodata, in care totul are sens sau totul e absurd, in care nu poate sa-mi spuna nimeni cum se va termina povestea si daca se va termina vreodata. Asa am inceput sa iubesc oamenii si sa ma iubesc pe mine in preajma lor. Ma gandeam ca sunt de-odata atat de multe personaje, in atat de multe povesti diferite si ca le traiesc pe toate cu la fel de multa intensitate.

Dar incet, incet, am descoperit ca nu exista doar biblioteca mamei, aleasa cu grija. Am descoperit ca in afara familiei mele si a prietenilor nostri exista si alti oameni. Exista si romane de duzina, exista si omanei a caror poveste se deruleaza ca seria filmelor “Rocky” – prea mult, prea prost si fara sens. Carti si oameni impachetati frumos. File albe care se vor metafora pentru ca in realitate nu au nimic de spus, de dat.

Asa am ajuns sa vad o Sandra Brown semnata Simone de Beauvoir in fata unui Coelho mai sictirit, cu aspiratii la Dali sau macar la Eugen Ionescu. Suprarealist, absurd… in fine, tot aia e, un? Dadaismul la putere. Macar am trait momentul.

Alergand impotriva vantului imi doresc sa nu fi stiut acum ce nu stiam atunci. Bob Seger stie.

Maybe Hope

I haven’t been able to write lately, I feel like I lost my voice. So I just sit around hoping for that something to happen and be once again able to speak my mind clearly. And as so often happens I found some of my deepest emotions and thoughts on the lips of the people I admire and love most, children. Take a moment to read what a child would answer to one of the most complicated questions of all - „What does love mean?”

***

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebeca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one, a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

***

I know this isn’t enough to make the world turn around, and I know my faith in humanity has still to be restored. Most of all I understand I still can’t put my finger on what makes me stumble and fall at every step. At least this time I stumbled smiling.

May Gods love be with you!